Respecting people’s chosen names and pronouns is a crucial way to affirm their identities. However, some individuals still find this challenging, often due to outdated beliefs or a lack of awareness about gender diversity.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, 37, and their husband Malik welcomed their son, Hudson, in October 2020 via cesarean section. At the time, Kaspar-Williams identified as male and used he/him pronouns. Today, he identifies as non-binary and uses both he/him and they/them pronouns. However, despite this, hospital nurses repeatedly referred to him as “mother” instead of “father,” causing frustration.
Kaspar-Williams began transitioning in 2014 after realizing he was transgender in 2011. While he underwent top surgery, he chose not to have lower-body procedures. Pregnancy and childbirth were deeply meaningful experiences for him, but being misgendered throughout the process made it challenging. He felt disheartened that hospital staff failed to acknowledge his gender identity.
Despite clearly listing his gender as male on medical forms, Kaspar-Williams was repeatedly misgendered by the nursing staff. This highlighted the common assumption that childbirth and gender identity must always be linked.
Speaking with the New York Post, he shared how upsetting it was to be called “mom” despite marking “male” on official paperwork. He emphasized that gender and childbirth are separate and that people should not assume all parents who give birth identify as mothers.
“No one can ever really know if they can have children until they try, being born with a uterus does not guarantee pregnancy or childbirth,” Kaspar-Williams said. “That’s why it’s important to stop defining ‘womanhood’ by ‘motherhood.’ Not all women become mothers, not all mothers give birth, and not all people who give birth are mothers.”
Kaspar-Williams’ journey underscores the importance of separating physical functions from gender identity, highlighting the need for greater understanding and respect. His experience serves as a reminder that medical environments must become more inclusive and considerate of diverse identities.
As society evolves, so too should our awareness and sensitivity toward gender diversity. Acknowledging and respecting people’s pronouns and chosen names is a simple yet meaningful step toward creating a more inclusive world.
