Ah, first dates, for some, they’re exciting adventures filled with butterflies and outfit changes. For others, they’re right up there with getting a root canal or standing in line at the DMV. But whether you love them or dread them, first dates are part of the deal when you’re putting yourself out there. If the thought of meeting a stranger and navigating small talk makes you break out in a cold sweat, don’t worry, We got the inside scoop from dating coach Evan Marc Katz, and he’s got some game-changing advice.
Of course, there are the basics: smile, make eye contact, ask thoughtful questions. But according to Katz, the real magic comes from letting go of your agenda.
“If you show up to a date thinking, I’m going to figure this person out, avoid getting hurt, and make sure I’m not wasting my time like last time, you’re going to be tense, and that’s not fun for anyone,” he explains. “If you’re not enjoying yourself, your date definitely isn’t either.”
Yes, it’s totally normal to want a relationship, but if you’re interrogating someone on date one about their five-year plan, their thoughts on kids, and their voting record, it’s going to feel more like a job interview than a flirt-fest. “Trying to get the whole story on the first night is like skipping to the last page of a book before you’ve even read chapter one,” Katz says.
So what should you actually focus on during a first date?
Keep it simple. According to Katz, most people just want to feel liked and appreciated. So ditch the arms-crossed, prove-yourself vibe. Instead, be present. Make eye contact. Lightly touch their arm. Ask about something they’re passionate about. Those little things go a long way.
One of the biggest sources of first date anxiety is the constant mental loop of: Do they like me? Will they ask me out again? Will they ghost? Katz’s solution? Stop worrying about it.
“The best thing you can do on a first date is assume the answer is yes,” he says. “Assume the person across from you is into you, is attracted to you, and wants to see you again.” Not only does this confidence help you relax and show your real self, but it also shifts your focus from trying to impress to simply connecting.
And when the date’s over? Don’t overthink it. Katz recommends asking yourself just three questions:
Did I have fun?
Was I comfortable?
Was there at least a little bit of attraction?
If the answer to all three is yes, boom, go on that second date. No need to figure out your entire future in a two-hour dinner.
So the next time you’re getting ready for a first date, take a deep breath, forget the checklist, and just be present. It’s not a marriage proposal, it’s just a conversation. But who knows? If you follow Katz’s advice, it could lead to something real.
